something is always wrong
Its not your ability to produce in perfect circumstances that matters. It has never been that, it will never be that. What counts is what you create in imperfection. There is always something wrong. This is why its important to eliminate what distractions we can, because life will supply plenty on its own accord.
There is a myth around time management/life style/money.
The myth is this:
if you had more time, you’d finally do that little thing you’re too afraid to do now.
If you just didn’t have to work 9-5, if you just didn’t have to take care of the kids, or get up so early etc.. those are all real things. They deserve your attention, and they definitely require energy. But to think that if you didn’t have that going on that you would immediately have the discipline to write your screenplay is a siren song.
It has never been true.
This is what people who are too afraid to try now console themselves with.
The dream is somewhere out there, behind an electric fence that only others have the key to. This is a dream killer.
I really believe that whatever you are doing now, is a fair approximation of what you would be doing if everything was “perfect” (even though we have already established that doesn’t exist).
I don’t know about you , but if this is correct, thats bad news lol. I am not living like I would like. I am not creating enough, I am seldom releasing new things into the world, I am most often acting like other people have the keys to my productivity.
This brings me to another myth about getting things done. This is the myth:
that you, a human, can remove all impurities.
At the end of the blog I’m going to share a song that I wrote.
10
fucking
years
ago.
Its a recording I did recently in one take on my couch.
I’m sharing it because its pretty and as a reminder to myself of how wastful and arrogant it is to sit on all your little golden eggs. Simultaneously worshipping them and also terrified to let others see them out of fear of rejection or worse, fear of being seen as average.
Now I do love a long creative process, I believe in it. Like Wine, or kimchi, some projects need years. But most of the projects I haven’t released were because I was afraid. There was something off in the vocals. This lyric could have been better. That chord was buzzy. This friend in my head that is judgmental would think me pretentious. All these circle shaped thoughts, are me thinking that its possible to remove all the imperfections. This is once again a lie.
You can never scrub the floor enough.
You should try hard to make them look good. You should be skilled in that.
But at the end of the day floors are made for walking on.
Your art, whatever it is, is dead until it hits the ears and eyes of others.
If you feel burdened, its because you have held on to too many things. Once you release a project, its funny how quickly you feel a disconnection from the work. I love that feeling. But I am haunted by every song or joke or business idea I was too scared to release because my pride wouldn’t let me accept that something is always wrong, and I have to have humility enough to recognize that.
Enjoy this old song, and let it serve as a reminder that you can still make things that matter to both you and others even if they are not perfect.