Hyper criticism as a form of laziness
The higher your standards are, the more you hurt.
Standards are a form of expectations, and the hardest expectations to dissapoint are the ones you have for yourself.
No one is who they truly want to be.
At least not that I know of. I can’t imagine being exactly what you want to be. I think its too fleeting. Its like being perfectly happy. Happy is like one of those weird trick shot videos. You try, and you get close, and the journey is part of what brings happiness, and the brief achievement is only the top of the wave.
When you don’t get what you are aiming at, the most unhelpful reaction is to be overly critical. Self awareness is a gift, being able to unpack your choices is helpful. But one thing I often slip into after failures is a form of hyper self criticism. That absolute self disgust married with a pessimism that often roots me to the floor and saps my energy.
What I have recently discovered is this: hyper self criticism is a form of laziness.
I love those videos of regular people making one of those half time shots that wins them a new car. But that is not how life is. Life is not one attempt, it is a series of attempts. Very few are the final one.
What I am realizing is that if you only attempt your goal one time, yes, you should be very sad. You should hate yourself, you are bad, you never were gonna make it or whatever sad shit you say to yourself where no one can hear you.
But but but, if this is one of many attempts, hundreds, thousands, then the only question is when will you have the humilty and good sense to try again.
Needing your early attempts to succeed famously or you’ll fall into despair is a clear sign that you secretly hope you wont have to try that hard. We all need encouragement along the way, but your desire for aclaim has to match your work ethic. If not you are building a feedback loop that will only result in misery.
Trying again is the virtue. Trying again is the antiseptic that cleans the wound of that deep unhelpful introspection. You can bury your critic alive in the volume of your attempts.
I like many of you are a critical lazy bitch. Depending on the day, depending on the mood, depending on what is happening. But the only way and I mean the only way to cure this, is to try again. Make something. Write something. Make another call. Perform another repetition. In repetition, informed with the insight of the past, we can do anything.