I read that the average person can remember about 150 friend’s names. After that, its hard to keep it straight without some kind of prompt. But imagine all the people you have met in your life, and spent a day or several days or a season with. Its an ocean. On a macro scale, we understand that we can’t keep everyone.
One of the biggest reliefs of my life was after becoming spiritually indifferent. As a Christian I had this terrible burden that I was supposed to be reaching people. Part of reaching them was influence, and part of that process was monitoring if they were changing.
I’ll never forget the relief I felt that I didn’t have to believe for other people any more.
It was a weight off my should to just think “you’re a bastard, and you’re probably never gonna change, prove me wrong…on your own time”.
That may sound harsh, but the alternative is basically a blank check of abuse.
There is a beauty and an art to cutting off the dead things.
In bible culture they would call this pruning.
I guess for me, I am a very all or nothing person. I always forget I have a choice.
I don’t HAVE to commit to long shots. I can do whatever I want at any time.
There will be consequences, but yes I can.
I can drive to Cali and start doing porn. I could go to seminary. I could drive my car off a bridge. I could teach free Jiu Jitsu to every impoverished school in my neighborhood.
Something about the high and low contrast reminds me that I am powerful. Not all powerful, but powerful enough.
If you find yourself slogging, if you find your progress slowing, its probably because you are dragging some dead things.
Dead things can be beautiful. Taxidermy is an art.
But don’t lie to yourself about whether something is living or just life like.
There is a freedom in recognizing the finality of things. Because as every hack songwriter knows, the end of something means the beginning of something else.
The end is final, you can’t influence it. The beginning could change the universe.