My brother Bradley told me that one time in summer school, he started a tiny mutiny when he discovered that the teacher had finalized their grades weeks ago and was burdening them with paper after paper to keep them busy. He told me all the kids went crazy for a few moments and were ripping up their papers and foot notes and throwing shit at each other. They eventually came to heel after a threat of getting the principle, but this story is one of my favorites of his.
Lately I have begun the intellectual exercise of thinking about making big changes. Not trying to be cryptic about it but right now they are thoughts and not plans so I don’t want to get a lot of input about it yet. I’m examining what I want and what I need to do to get it. My whole life I have been most afraid of wasting time and being held back by some flaw in my blind side. Not that I don’t have plenty of flaws right in front of me, but sometimes its the trouble you don’t see that does a real number on you.
One thing I have found interesting though is that your clarity seems to be most potent at the end of something. I’ll never forget the last few weeks of living in Denmark. It was emotional. It was beautiful, and it was the end of an era. Better than I ever did, I understood my failures and my attempts and not just as objective pursuits but the why behind them. The bird’s eye view was strong as the nostalgia. Knowing you are leaving makes me you see what you are leaving again as if for the first time. Relationships, countries, jobs, dreams, whatever. The last song makes you understand the whole dance.
So if you feel you are at the end of something, know that your brain is most alive picking up data to aide you in what will be your next adventure.