I am a sentimental person. It doesn’t show up on the chart in a Hallmark way like it does for other people but it is there all the same. Sentimentality is an attempt to attach to the spirit of a thing. Its the grasping at the inanimate. Its an attempt to honor a moment. Its a good instinct. Its a good practice.
Moments are not created equal. Most don’t matter, and some weigh 1000 pounds, and the funny thing is we don’t get to choose. Ever go to lift a couch and expect it to be bulky only to realize its an easy job? That is how big days feel to me some times. I excpect this day to feel one way and it surprises me. Or I expect this day to hurt and it barely grazes me. Thank god for the surprises. It would be torture to always be right. If you’re always right you’re probably not aware.
My whole life I’ve had something in me that rebels against the group. Which is weird because I was a religious man for 13 years. I consider myself an ‘opposite hipster’. If the definition of a hipster is someone who can only enjoy something before other people do, I enjoy discovering things most when other people have walked away from them. I didn’t get into Harry Potter until 4 books into the series. I didn’t get into Netflix or the iPhone or you name it til way later.
I think its hard for me to not be influenced by the people around me, so I have to work hard to block it out. I love being influenced when I am conscious of it, but I have always wanted to be aware of what goes in.
This opposite hipster thing affects how I am sentimental too. I don’t see things at the same speed. I see way ahead or way behind. The moment is a blur. I think I am a hard person to influence. Maybe just stubborn.
Part of that is religion. If you feel like you got suckered once, your dukes will be up forever.
In Genesis, god turned Lot’s wife into a pillar of salt because she looked back at the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah that they had been saved from. Some say that the phrase pillar of salt meant she was infertile, but either way, pretty harsh punishment. Salt kills a field, but it preserves meat. it stings in a wound or melts ice.
I think looking back is the same. Its hard to know what its affect on you will be.